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2007-08-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

Enlisted into the army, finished 3 BMT and i signed on ADF(always die first) finished the 5 month cqc(cockster qualification course) and ta daaaa ~~ i am a fully trained operational soldier ~ army life can be boring and fun at the same time, i've learn alot of stuffs and trained my physical fitness up ~ 32km march no kick lah LMAO (was really struggling after the river crossing), In ADF there're times when we slack and sleep whole day and than book out and there're times when its xiong, its really freaking xiong ~ but overall life is GOOD in ADF.

Got posted to a guards coy in the battalion, life in ops coy is different and much much more better, made some really good friends there, people do really funny stuffs when they get really bored

Guess i'll post again ~ ^-^

The Emptiness Within

2006-03-21T04:54:00.000+08:00

Did not blog for a long time, Coz i was lazy, Life was so so, Every day doing the same old stuffs over and over again kinda got bored of it, I wanna start to search for a part time job while waiting for my national service letter, Few days back i met her, She had a very happy day with me, To me i was only happy for a short while, When i am alone in my room, Alone in my living room, I would feel lonely, That feeling that crawls onto my body and into my lungs leaving me helpless and lonely, But its ok i've already given up on myself, All i wanted to do was to love, care, protect and make her day brighter, I don't care what i'll become, I really don't care, We still contact each other, We sms-ed and chatted online but why do i still feel that emptiness within me, Thats a feeling i really hated so much, When i started with her i thought that feeling would never ever knock at my door again, But i was wrong, Every minute every second while i was alone it came to me, I am not happy lol i was never a happy person, My parents brought me into this world so that i could fulfill the things they could not have done, But i doubt i could do that...

I always said that i have used to being lonely, But deep down inside of me i HATE being lonely, I do not have a big circle of friends and when i have troubles i do not know who could i turn to, I do not wish to be a burden to anyone, Not even my family, Life's really boring and sickening, If only i had power, Power to destroy every thing, To put an end to this world sufferings and pains, When every thing is destroy there will be nothing left even sufferings and pains will be gone, There will not be any emotions anger,sadness,unhappiness,etc... every thing will be turn to dust and it will be a very cold and quiet place..

The only thing i've regretted in my life was not to treat her better while we were 2gether, Why must i wait till i lost her then i learned to treat her better and gave her the attention she always needed, WHY ?? haha i guess no body knows, Even myself are not sure of the reasons WHY too, Humans are really cheap and pathetic (points at myself), What are the "Defination Of Love" can anyone tell me ?, Why do i always fail in relationships ?, Am i really not out to be in a relationship ?, Am i really not out to love another person ??, Where's the another part of me ?, I felt so incomplete, So empty .. (sigh... and shakes head) i guess thats enought for today... Signed out - HaruKatana

PS. why do the ocean waters never flow over the shore ? Where do the oceans foundation lies ?

~ Kuala Lumpur Trip ~

2006-03-09T12:33:00.000+08:00

It has been 3 days after the KL trip with my maple friends, Wanted to rest before i blog or should i say i am lazy to blog wahaha, The KL trip was fun, Our 1st stop was at genting highlands, Then we took a bus down to KL and book in an hotel, Our 2 friends staying at KL both has a car so traveling wise was not a problem for us, We wore T-shirts and three quarter pants with slippers and went to shop at the mall, I noticed something that no one in particular wore the same as us, They all wore either jeans or long pants, No body wore three quarter pants at the mall at all, I felt like an alien because i noticed pple staring at us as if we no money buy their stuffs, Most of the shops has those sensors at the entrance of the shop so that if some one steals something and walked out the sensors will go off making a weird and loud sound, I did not walk out of the shop i walked "IN" and the sensor goes off OMG ~~ i was so freaking embarassed, Out of 10 shops that had the sensor 7 of them goes off when i entered the shop, liew so pai seh lol

I noticed that in KL, Girl's dressing are more to the japanese style unlike in singapore, The girls there are cOoL wahaha, We went to alot of shopping malls and bought our stuffs, Me and my 2 other friends went to have an hair cut, I remembered i told the so called " PRO STYLIST " that i wanted my hair length, I juz wanted to trim "THIN" and on top of my hair i wanna spike it, I don't know whether she understands chinese or what ever, She says she wanna change a style for me i say nah, Ended up i got a stupid short and exploded head so ugly lor look like durian liddat lor, After that day I SWORE I'LL NEVER EVER HAVE AN HAIR CUT IN KL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE !!!!!!!!!

Wahaha in KL theres also K Box but their K Box is named Red Box in KL wahaha lame right ? The rooms,buffet etc etc are almost similiar to K Box wahaha we sang till they closed, The food in KL OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will never ever forget the food there !! our friends brought us to some places to eat and those places the food was like so heavenly that OMG i dunno how to describe wahaha, If i have to chance to go KL again i will bring lots and lots of money so that i can taste all of the food over there, The food is different from singapore, That side is much much much much more yummy wahaha, I dunno how to continue blogging le i guess i'll stop here bye bye !!

The Url for the pics we took in KL are --->
Here

Resident Evil 4 Cool Game !

2006-02-23T05:04:00.001+08:00

Did not update blog for some time, Guess i was lazy lol theres a game call Resident Evil 4 and WOW its was FUN, The only different part about Resident Evil 4 and the rest of Resident Evil was, there was no ZOMBIE in the game ! But when you're using the shotgun aiming towards the head of the infected civilian and u fired it, The same effect still stays, The head EXPLODED ! And the blood splatting all over the place wahaha !! My favourite scene lol, The story is abt an organization named Las Illuminados, They kidnapped the American president's daughter named Ashley Graham and they found out that a family has a secret buried deep below the castle, That particular organization so call BOSS - saddler, He revived the Las Plagas with the help of a researcher named Sera Luis, The Las Plagas is some sort of parasite or organisim, That once infected or injected with the Las Plagas, People will tend to be GAGA as in become very violent and will posses superhuman strength, Leon Kennedy objective was to retrieve Ashley Graham safetly and escort her back home, This game is HIGHLY RECCOMENDED to Resident Evil fans lol, Btw the weapons are much much more better and cooler this time *winks*, I completed the games in 3days, Pro right ? ( actually i used cheats Lol Infinite Health and Infinite Ammo) Those who played Resident Evil should know that in Resident Evil u seem to always run out of ammo wahaha, heres the pic

Finally i've quitted my job at the STEWPIG huggies diaper factory wahaha, Gonna relax till after the K.L trip with my maple friends before i'll start to look for another job ~, My brother went to thailand with his friends a couple of weeks ago and was SCAMMED !, He bought a PS2 game call Onimusha 4 which had 2 disc but ended up with 1 disc in the bag, But its ok cause its onli 3 bucks in sg dollars wahaha, When going to K.L i gonna be RICH FILTHY RICH !! Lol because i am bringing $500SG and when i change it into RM i will get one thousand plus wahahahaha gonna shop till i drop dead

Have been rotting at home this few days got nothing to do, Wahaha www.shockwave.com has fun games and there's SNOOKER ! I played with shan so many times and its very fun wahaha, I've not started my port folio yet, I'm still not prepare not sure what do i need to draw, Suddenly my brother started composing songs, I was like asking myself HUH ?? when did this butthead started getting into composing ? Maybe he has got himself a new interest ba, got nothing to post anymore wahaha i guess i better go look for a new blogskin ~ wahaha see u guys next time ^^

Future Planning Coming Up

2006-02-16T12:57:00.000+08:00

I've already decided that i wanna study Interior Design in NAFA (Nanyang Academy Of Fine Arts), I'll need to prepare a portfolio now so after NS i can just head on to the sch for the interview and stuffs, Need to do lots of research and stuffs before i can start doing my portfolio because i've nv done interior design before and i've never in my life done a portfolio before, So now its time to seriously do the things i wanted, I love drawing, But the drawings i drew is animes and cartoons, I'm not sure whether Interior Design that kinda course that suits me but anyway i'm givin it a try.

Damn it, I am 20 years old this year and after i finish my NS i will be 22 and after NAFA i am 25years old ~ WTH i'll be so old.. 5 more years and i'll be 30 OMG ~ time flies so freakking fast and so much things has not yet to be done, i've got 2 years plus to create a perfect portfolio for NAFA, during NS i'm going to take up part time ITE courses so if i can't get into NAFA i can get into local polytechnic.

Today is michelle's birthday hmmm i've yet to get a present for her wahaha ~ nvm later go out meet them then buy present ^^, They going to Kbox OMG lol today surely have fun de muahaha listen to all sorts of vocal singing, Hope that won be so bad ( if you get wad i mean lmao )

I've seen some designs my friend showed me, WOW the design were cool and breath taking dun even know whether i am able to create such standard portfolio but nevermind i giving it a try, I'll see how my future goes, For now just concentrate on my portfolio, I'll need a alot of drawing blocks LOTS of em haha lalaa until next time i'll post again =)

Mixed Feelings ?

2006-02-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

I thought i've cherish and treasured her, Until when she told me how she really felt, And told me the difference when we were together and when we just started, I am the one that cause the relationship to fail, I am the one who caused her pain, saddness and sorrow, Every thing was my fault, How i wish i was never alive in the 1st place, In that case no body would be hurt by me, WHY AM I LIKE THAT ? WHY ? WHY DO I ALWAYS WAIT TILL THE LAST MOMENT THEN I REGRETTED THE THINGS I'VE DONE, My Father in heaven please guide me, I feel so guilty, My heart feels so painfull... wo hen xin ku, i really really really love her alot, My love for her is really very deep that it even runs in my blood stream, Every relationship is a lesson, And when you graduate means u're married.

Now i know why do humans always cherish and treasure things until they lose it, Its because when they have it, They'll think that they'll own it forever and never expect it will turn the other way round, After losing it they'll panic and search for the things they've lost, I will always keep the memories of us and never forget it, The times we spent at the park behind my house, the 1st few meetings at the park near her house, The bridge where we stood to stare at the stars, The time at suntec fountain where we wore our rings, The time when i gave her the hearted bear pillow, All our outings together , All the times we spent at my house, And all the time when we hugged each other so tightly... all those will never be forgotten

When i grow old i want to be turned into ashes with all those beautifull memories in my mind, During my next life i dun care what ever i'll become... a dog ? a cat or a fish or insect as long as i can stay by her side to protect her it will be enough for me, Why does it hurts so much ? When both who are deeply in love with each other can't be together, I don't really know why..

this post is created with tears......

Stressed Up.. Depression ?

2006-02-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

I am feeling down, I don't know why i'm feeling down, I can't do anything when i'm feeling down, Its not the loneliness nor the saddness, what is happening to me ? I just wanna laugh out loud not for the sake of just laughing, Deep in my heart i want to feel that i am happy and laugh it all out but i can't, Die le don't tell me i am in depression state ? Not so bad right ? hai don't know also, I've been searching for info online about private diploma course, Been to NAFA website, Been to SIM website and some other websites which provides information about private diploma courses, when i look at the fees per year, I was like where the hell am i supposed to get that huge sum of money, Even if i work, i've to save for quite a few years... And further more how much can an 'N' Level cert earn me per month... I do not want to borrow any money frm my relatives or friends, Because borrow money to me is not good at all.

I use to say to my ex gf, NO ! some people does not even have an 'O' Level cert and they can succeed in life and i believe i am one of them too, I juz need opportunities and time, But now i think differently, In Singapore if you don'y own at least a diploma u won go anywhere in life, I keep thinking of ways to earn money so that i can pay those fees, If i wanna borrow from the bank, I'll need a monthly gross salary and the bank might not even lend me money, I don't wanna live a life full of debts...

ArrRrggHHh i think i'm going crazy, My two friends told me when i am in NS then start to think, They say during NS thinking will change and its 2 years in NS, Singapore will change alot during that 2 years, GrrRrrrrr hMmmm what can i still do ? hmm i really don't know, That darn NS letter so long le still not here yet hai.. i wanna quit my job and stop working for awhile, Until i cool down and is ready to work then i'll find another part time job, Today went to my grandma's house and lao yu sheng.. as usual i did not eat much juz a few mouth, Everything in Singapore is money money and money without money in Singapore its so hard to do anything, Even if i wanna study i also need money for the sch fees, Money for me to eat, If i can go back in time, I'll kill the person who started money for trading, Hai saying all those also no use anymore, Now i can onli wait and see wad will happen to my life ba..

Which Path Should I Choose ?

2006-02-11T22:09:00.000+08:00

Can't wait till 2nd march, Its the day when my Maple Story guild overseas outing in K.L officially launch, We will be setting out on that day, Wonder how will the trip be, Did not went for work today, Was rotting at home for the whole day did not know what to do... Lol didn't knew that my life had so much changes after that one week... I used to be very busy with lotsa stuffs to do when i'm at home but suddenly its like i've nothing to do, I hate being alone at home, Theres a weird and uncomfortable feeling ever since that one week, I've not been able to eat properly... Whenever i am hungry or i'm craving for something, After a bite and the appetite's gone.. Then i'll feel full and uncomfortable, What is happening to me ?

Yesterday i met my Maple Story friends to discuss about the K.L trip, Just listening to them makes me feel like laughing they had all sorts of funny ideas lol, Hmm i dun know whether should i sign on in army, In army they have that kinda study bond where i sign a bond with the army and then the goverment will pay for my studies, But after my studies i'll have to work for the army for a few years, I think is around 5years ba I am not very sure also..

Or if my Ns, I get eight to five i can take up ITE part time course and after Ns i can go straight to poly OR use my N level cert and take up private diploma, I still have not made up my mind yet.. Hai living in singapore is stressful, In singapore its us the people who feed the goverment and in The US its the goverment who looks after and feeds the people, See the difference ? In singapore the goverment tax and tax and tax then eat all our money, But in US its diff the goverment pays some money to the poor every month so that they won go hungry... Hai

I really don't know how my future will be, No one knows, I believe if i work hard i will surely gain the fruits, But i still want to pray that my father in heaven would bless me so that i will not fail again, Hmmm i guess thats all for today ba

My Dreams, Hopes and Goals Gone

2006-02-10T15:49:00.000+08:00

I've got my results for my "O" level results, And i've flunk very badly, Suddenly i felt like i've lost every thing, My only dreams and hopes had failed me, Wad should i do with my life now ? I don't really know, I had some real good friends they encouraged me and consoled me, But i am still feeling sad, So much things had happened just in one week, I thought when my gf broke up with me, I will try harder in my life, But now i don't really know which direction i am supposed to go, My friends told me sign on in army, Yes i did thought of that too but i can't sign on forever right ? What does my father in heaven wants me to do ? What plan does he have for me ? why do i always fail in doing things ? I've never succeed once in my life, I have always been failing and failing and failing, I AM ALREADY SICK AND TIRED OF FAILING.... I WANT TO SUCCESS IN MY LIFE I DON'T WANT TO BE A LOW LIFE FREAK WHO HAS NOTHING IN LIFE.... Hahaha saying all those helps ? I guess not lol ...

All those things i've planned i've look forward into, Now i dun even dare to think of them anymore..., I dare not face my ex gf... i dare not face myself... i dare not face anyone... all i can do is just say and not doing it, hahaha the tears kept coming out -.- its lame... i felt helpless and confuse... my total points you guys guess ? its 44points WOW nice?, 44 convert it into cantonese it means DIE DIE haha even the points wants me to die -.- lame isn't it ? ........

I still use the nick Hopes in Maple Story, I think i should change it into Hopeless.... My life is full of failures

Went Out After Midnight

2006-02-10T06:12:00.000+08:00

I was rotting at home the whole day, Deciding what should i add into my blog and finally decided to add this song " Endlessly by Backstreet Boys ", Its my theme song and its a very nice song. My mum came back from work and came into my room, she asked me whether i am free on monday, I replied her with " Why ? " and she told me that she had a $120 voucher at K box and wanted to invite me to have fun with her and our relatives, I can't sing well and on that day i am working in the night shift lol so i told her i may not be going, She went out of my room and i continued editing my blog.

It was around 01:30am plus when my friend in msn asked me out, He wanted to get outta his crib, He suggested we go to a pub in marina, I agreed and asked him to wait for me downstairs then i went to bath and prepare, after preparing i saw him riding his bike in my carpark downstairs with his trade mark "YELLOW" full faced MHR helmet he asked me to bring mine, So i quickly grabbed my wallet, phone and keys and went downstairs, Ended up he told me that the pub had already closed, I was thinking about where to go when he said lets go to east coast park, since i've got nothing better to do i agreed and vRooOm off we go

When we arrived there kns all the pubs were closed !! But we didn't care we walk till we found a small little pub which had a nice ambience, We drank and talked about the old times when we were young, Basically we talked about everything under the mid breezy sky, We finished Our last cup of beer and we went home, On the way home on his bike, My friend suddenly asked me to grab the oil tank tightly and sit properly and then he speeded VROOOOOOM woot it was so thrilling the speed he was traveling was at 150km/h i felt like floating in the air ~ and my weight was like so light that i would fall of anything, After sometime he slowed down and continue our journey home.

I can't wait til i pass my Bike and get my Aprilia Rs 125 when that day come me and my friends can roam the whole singapore !! in one night lol yea i know its lame haha but its fun ^^

My Thoughts Towards Fortune Tellers

2006-02-09T18:23:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow "O" level results will be out, And i am going to RP to reserve a place for me till i finish ns, I am not really sure whether my results will be able to get me a place in RP, Nevertherless i will give it a shot, If i can't get into goverment education i will take a private diploma thats after i finish my national service, OMG i am going to be BALD !!!, Lol but being "Botak" has some advantage as in when washing hair it does not need alot of shampo nor conditioner AND it is cooling also when there's a breeze can feel the wind on the head LMAO !!!!!!!, lol ya i am lame ~ thats me ma if i not lame i won be myself le keke

I hate fortune tellers, our life is decide by our ownselves and our own hands, they tells people what will happen to them in future and did not help as in how to solve the problem or how to make the problem goes away, IT IS STUPID!!, People "PAY" to read their fortunes, at least help to solve the problems, its like teaching someone to drive a car and did not teach that someone how to operation the clutch and the gears, Its LAME right ?

If fortune tellers will really help people, Then alot of people this the world would have been rich or famous already, Its not whether i believe in them or i dun, God knows what he had planned for us and we will accept wad God has planned for us, If God wants me to die, I am WILLING die because i know that he has some other plans for me after i die

Hai come to think of it dying isn't anything scary afterall, All humans will die eventually right ? we live because God wants us to have knowledge and be prepare before we join him in his kindom of heaven, Fortune tellers are sinners !! they rebel the teachings of our heavenly father and make others sin deeper by believing in what they say, Why do i say that they are sinners ? It is because they disrupted God's plan and made us turn away frm him, We all have already sin against our heaven father when we were born because of Adam and Eve, And the Fortune Tellers are leading us more to sin.

GrRrrrr bite them i tell u lol ~

A New Beginning For Me

2006-02-09T10:30:00.002+08:00

From 6th february 2006, my story with the person i loved had ended, The story lasted for 1 year 6 months plus and had alot of beautiful memories, I thank god for the arrangements for us to meet and allowing me to feel the magnificent feeling of being loved by someone so special, All stories eventually had to end so mine was no exception, I will learn from my mistakes and never repeat the same old mistakes i have made again, Sometimes i wonder why do humans always cherish the things they love only when they found out that it had left them and feel sad, Maybe thats human nature ?. I will always keep this 2 items she gave me

From this moment onward i have already decided what to do with my life, I hope time will heal the pain and saddness within me, All the memories will never be forgotten all the happy, sad and enjoyable times we had together will forever be imprinted in my mind, i will always love her till the day i turn into ashes, But now i have to be strong have to be independent.

I have met some online friends in Maple Story and met them for a few times, I found out that being with them, all my troubles and saddness were chucked into one side, I believe when ever god takes something away from you, God will give u another something which some people never realise it

Say so much le life still has to go on right ? guess now i better concentrate on my plans for the time being and try to get out of the saddness lol

My First Time

2006-02-09T10:07:00.000+08:00

Its my first time making my own personal blog ~ =D wEeeeee haha ~~ a new blog

a new beginning hMmm hope one day this blog will be fill with all my thoughts and feelings which will eventually come true haha ~